Here we go again,

So, for those of you who read this regularly or know me well will've realised that I haven't written in a fair while - or at least I'm not writing as much anyway! It's half way through the month and I'm pretty sure this is only my 3rd post - shockingly well contained for someone like little me!

Truth is, I've been keeping things on the down low for a while. About a week back I went through a pretty dark couple of days - and the funniest part is I'm not actually sure WHY!! Looking back it all seems so silly, but I guess it was just a lot of little things, a lot of things that I was scared about - yes, typical teenagery girl things, but also some "situational issues" that I won't go into on here - and basically, the world felt like it was crumbling around me... I know, melodramatic right?! But I hated the freakin' world for putting me in that position, I cancelled seeing anyone I was going to see, I stopped answering texts - I stopped leaving my room for a couple of days in a sort of trance, twas strange, twas very strange indeed...

It would've been fine if I didn't have people texting me every 5 seconds asking what was up, and the people I cancelled on asking what was happening - what could I say?! "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I'm busy hating the universe today, call back later..." --> not so much.

Well, I stayed away from people because I know what I do when I get in a horrendous state like that - get very very very very angry and yell like theres no tomorrow- and I can't afford to argue with any of my friends now, I need them. But the problem was, when I didn't talk to anyone about it, I became more and more irratated with myself, and next thing I knew I was looking in my reflection in the mirror after my shower, and I had all these nasty little scratches on my back - just like black swan nonetheless =.= (last thing you wanna be comparing yourself to!!)

This didn't exactly make me feel any better! I'm not a self harmer, I don't do that - appart from anything else I'm scared of pain!! But I was so frustrated with everything and so hot and bothered I'd been itching myself for days and apparantly not noticed what I was doing to myself :S That was my wake up call - I immediatly got on the phone to everyone, arranged to meet up with my dear friend Kitkat the next day, and as always, life moved on - the whole incident went unoticed, which I think is a good thing methinks :)

This is life... moving on apparantly haha!

I also had a go at writing my own version of "My Fairytale" - having read a post for the dear Rachel Bax - though I don't think I'd ever post that on here, I wouldn't be doing anyone any favours!! And I've been working on a self portrait, it's come to a halt recently, I need to get back into the swing of it, and I'm sure it'll come together in the end! Then I can finally start earning some money for dear old Bournemouth - yaayyyy :( Not so excited yet - but I'm laying all my hopes for happiness in it, so it better be good ;)

So anyway - hello again - in the near future I hope to write stuff that isn't quite so personal and self sympathetic - I think the world has enough of those people without me being one of them too.. let's hope I can pull myself outta this one quickly so I can move the hell on...