25 things,

In my efforts of procrastination I discovered some very old "notes" on facebook I wrote over the last 2/3 years - and I find it amazing how much I've changed in such a short period of time!! That in mind, I came accross one note called "25 things" - and I thought I'd give it a go!

So here it goes: 25 things you don't know about me

1. My main fear is "the unknown" - that covers so many things I can't even tell you, including any simple thing I've never done before - eg; driving to someone's house I've never been too. If it's something relativly small I can usually just pull myself together and battle it through but sometimes if I don't control myself quickly enough I have been known to hyperventilate and really make myself quite ill with worry :S Not good!

2. Having said the above ^^ I would love to jump out of a plane someday - provided I jump with someone else!! My biggest fear is death (the greatest unknown) and therefore I'd like to know that someone was going to prevent that from happening!

3. I've been involved in various groups in my time : I was a member of the "Fab 4" when I was at Barfield (aged 8-11 ish) and when I met my dearest Goth friends in 5th form we made an imginary group called "Fates Goldfish" - don't worry, we didn't write anything!! It was just a private joke..

4. I'VE been known to write things though.. poems, songs, stories - you name it, I've written it. Sometimes it's just a creative outbirst, sometimes there's just things I want to say and no way to say it, I guess it's just the way I am - I've been trying to write a song for months now to clear my head but I can't seem to word it right... If I ever do actually write the stupid song I'll post the lyrics and maybe the music with it on here!

5. I love biscuits like no one else you've ever met in your life. Infact, when the art department stopped getting biscuits every five minutes I actually lost a dramatic amount of weight and people kept commenting.. I just can't help it! Biscuits and hot chocolate are just simply UNBEATABLE.

6. My diet is horrendous. This isn't a secret, but one secret is I don't think I've eaten a fruit for several years now, and forget about vegetables! I live on a diet of  breakfast (croissants, brioche, toast, cereal, french toash), sandwiches (only cheese), crisps, BBQ (hotdogs, burgers) and fish and chip shop chips - I litterally don't think I eat anything else... wow.

7. Having said the above my health has never really suffered from this diet, although I think I have a really fast heart rate (though it's hard to measure as every time I try I get nervous and therefore it beats faster.. go figure) - my health DOES suffer when something emotional goes on my life - ie. stress. For the past sort of 6 months I've had various problems with my ovaries etc etcc.... which is sorted out now as I'm trying my best to calm myself down and think about what I say, and how I say it - and trying not to take everything to heart. Family, friends, relationships, work, future etc etcc.... they all contribute to me freaking out and as a consequence I've done some pretty stupid things indeed - things I couldn't talk about to anyone.

8. I have a hundred different faces. I'd like to think there are good sides to me - I can be miserable, pathetic, useless, lazy, loving, giving, bubbly, funny, caring, outrageously with innuendoes, conservative, creative, numb, scared, inconsoleable, deep, shallow, easily pleased, childish, selfish... Gosh there are so many. It all depends when you meet me and who you are.

9. My music taste is awful, and I don't have a favourite song - My sister is trying to make me cooler by listenning to her chart music but basically I listen to songs from musicals or film music - I do have the occasional "normal" song on my ipod but the majority is disney songs and show music - particularly phantom of the opera and love never dies - which I have now seen 5 times and I intend to see at least twice more before it's cut in August :( .

10. I adore Twilight, though I can't bring myself to read it anymore as everytime I do I get too caught up in it and end up litterally mourning it for a couple of days afterwards - ridiculous huh. That books shouldn't been written in first person, it's unfair to let someone like me fall in love with a fictional character :') ! Instead I love to read Harry Potter which just NEVER gets old, and I've recently been reading through my old english books - I read Short Cuts the other day - weird book, I don't recommend it!

11. There are also several other film stars I adore mainly for the roles they play  -Gerard Butler (picture above!!) being WAAYYYYY up there as NOT ONLY did he play Phantom in the film version, but he also played Gerry in Ps I love you which is a beautiful film. I also love the guy in the Notebook and I ADORE Ewan McGreggor in Moulin Rouge - he makes me smile a lot :')

12. This list is just one of many many many examples of how I talk far too much, my head just doesn't think in short precise sentences it just spews out endless ramblings - I can't help it!! If you ever get me angry, I'll probably write you an email (I can't argue in person, I get a stutter and my voice goes freakishly high), and it might go on  for PAGES. I've actually been known to write a 12 page text before. Seriously.

13. I can't get angry at people face to face unless I am beyond furious. I'm gettin less great at holding back the tears nowadays though, I used to be unable to cry infront of people too - I guess I'm just weaker or perhaps I have more things to be sad about - either way, I've changed over the last two years but over all I think it's for the better - even if I am mushier and more reflective.

14. My favourite numbers are any combination of the numbers 1, 2 and 3. (21, 22, 13, 12, 123 etc...) And I'm afraid of COURSE, knowing me the reason for them being my favourite numbers is for soppy romantic reasons I probably shouldn't discuss on here! If  you're desperate to know I guess you can ask me in your spare time lol!

15. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't judge others on their appearance but I cannot bare the "orange" look - you know the one, fake lashes, pale pink lipstick, florescent orange

skin, yellow hair - why if someone WORE those colours together does it clash, but if it's on your face it's apparantly acceptable?! I just don't get it. I prefer natural beauty.  (watch that video!!! hilarious!!!)

16. I was an extremely prejudiced person who cared an awful lot about what people thought of me until I was 16/17 (and yes, I'm only 18 now... so it's a pretty recent phenomenon!!) when I met a beautiful friend of mine who taught me it's what's on the inside that counts - something I treat as a law to live by nowadays, when you ignore  peoples outward appearances at first you get to meet a whole lot of beautiful people.

17. My favourite feature in a guy is their eyes, hands down - no question. I've heard all sorts of weird things about what other girls like in a guys appearance and to be honest I raise my eyebrows at their romantic choices as much as they raise their eyebrows at mine! The thing is though, eyes are most important as their the windows to the soul. You can tell so much about a person through their eyes.

18. Outright rudeness upsets me to the point that sometimes I feel literally ILL. I can't handle people shouting out things about other people when they're RIGHT THERE, I just can't. As a paranoid person myself I couldn't bare to think of anyone talking in a negative way about me really loudly in a public place. I'd rather they just quietly came to me, one on one, and we shared our expressed differences.

19. My favourite colour in the whole wide world is sky blue - the kind of blue you get on a perfect sunny day, and look straight up - it's SO DEEP, you can't paint a colour like that, it's just too perfect.

20. When I'm sad I reminice to remind myself I wasn't always this way. It's proabably a slightly counter productive way of looking at things but hey - at least I get a few laughs in at myself on the way.

21. I'm willing to bet the top 5 days in my life were all romantickyy ones - how sad is that?!?! I'm a romantic at heart so I guess it just has a massive effect on me, and I also guess that's why I don't do so well with break ups, though I'm certianly getting much better at it! Of course I have increddible days with my friends though, and in the end they're the one who get me through it all :) love you all dearly :D

22. I cry like no one else you've ever met, usually over absolutly nothing at all, or the smallest things you can possibly imagine. I am a total wetbag.

23. I work as a maid at the hotel, a job I hate and I'm hoping I can quit as soon as possible, infact I'm hoping they just don't ring me back!! I've been working thre for 2 years as a housekeeper and you have to deal with every bodily fluid you can possibly imagine - and I MEAN every bodily fluid. Seriously. I've seen it all.

24. When I'm too upset to reminice, another thing I do is play the Sims 2 - how weird is that right?! I guess the reason I do it is because at least then I know how to suceed in the game, I know how to do well, I know how to get everything you want, you can make money just appear with a cheat, you can make the perfect perosn for someone and just make sure they magically end up meeting and give them as many kids as you want and you basically control all variables  - you can't do that in real life, and sometimes I wish I could. I always feel so out of control and confused the whole freakin time!!

25. The last one, finally! The reason I want to teach art. A lot of people laugh when they find out the plans for my future but it all seems pretty simple to me. a.) I've had awful teachers over my artistic career and I really believe it's a subject that everyone can get  into, everyone can express themselves and find out things about themselves that they never even knew, b.) I love kids, I've been surrounded my my little siblings my whole life, and to be honest they're a whole lot less complicated than adults seem to be - they're just easier to talk to. I know people see my chosen proffession as a "pisstake".. but just because it's not achademic doesn't mean the fact that I'm good at it is worthless.

If you guys are regular readers of my blog you'll be well aware of many of these things so I hope you weren't too bored, but I certainly was, hence this list!! And now you know me just that little bit better ;) xxx



Something that scares you,

This post is about a card I received this morning from Teresa (a family friend) and I'm sure she'll read this at somepoint!! I just want to say thankyou first of all, it was such a sweet gesture and it means a lot that someone thinks so much of me! The card I was sent is shown to the right, and reads "Do one thing every day that cares you" - Eleanor Roosevelt.

And I hope she's not offended that I'm making this public but inside it read;

"Dear Jenni, I had this card because I love the sentiment - and honestly wish I was brave enough to live by it!! But I think of you, and your exams, and your courage and the honesty in your blogs and your growing up - and thought you may understand it :) Lots of Love, Teresa xxx"

So, naturally, I've been thinking about what that statement really means - and do I live by it? Well first of all - NO! Haha, I'm far too comfortable (well, I say that but being me I'm never comfortable with anything!) in my own little cozy world to do anything too outrageous, and any time I do attempt to do something that petrifies me I'm often crucified in the process - still, it's not like I'll ever REGRET those decisions - it's the big ones that usually have the most impact on your life, if you don't fight for things every now and again then.. well to be honest, what's the point?!

Now the funny thing about me is - I'd love to jump out of a plane for example, I think that'd be amazing - such an adventure! HOWEVER, I hate driving my car to peoples houses - expecially when there are other people in the car - because a.) I could kill them, b.) I could kill me, and c.) I might get lost, and if I get lost... well I'll probably hyperventilate or something ridiculous - perhaps I ought to gain a  little perspective! I'm a relativly competent driver but I've gained an awful repuation mainly because I don't drive a lot - I always try to avoid it, I hate that people comment on my driving, it drives me round the bend !! It's just like Jeeeeze LEAVE ME BE, I'll do it in my own time.. I'm just frightenned, that's all.

The problem is with the card I received is that as much as that'd be such an adventure, I litterally don't think I could cope with it - I have a pretty weak heart and so many things scare me and the panic does me no good - and for those of you reading who think I'm stress free, you're right - and that makes me even more stressy about me being stressed- you follow?

Perhaps I should try though? Really get out of my comfort zone.. I suppose it has to start sometime. I just wish things didn't all have to change so suddenly NOW, when I'm so so SO not ready for it.

Flying,

Just really wanted to post this picture - pretty huh :)

Standing on the edge,

I'm feeling the need to write something as I've now finnished my exams and I'm feeling an extreme lack of purpose as I haven't really made any plans yet! - I'll do my best ;)

It's a strange feeling, the end. I mean it's not QUITE the end of school yet, but it IS the end of exams for me as I'll be going on to do an Art Foundation - no more written papers for me!

But instead of feeling like I have the whole summer of freedom ahead of me, I feel... strange. I guess the only way I can describe it is it's as if I'm standing on the edge of a very very very tall cliff looking down at the water beneath me... yes, it's exciting, exhilirating - but just as frightenning.  And the way I see it is - I have two choices in such a situation: I could fall... Or I could jump.

And I come to the conclusion, it's probably a little more pro-active if I jump - jump at chances, jump at opportunities, get out there and do something... However, I'm currently having a(nother) PJ day, that can wait a little longer ;)

"Should I choose the smoothest course

Steady as the beating drum?
Should I marry Kocoum?
Is all my dreaming at an end?
Or do you still wait for me, dream-giver,

Just around the river bend? "

-Pochontas

Conflict,

Do you know those days where it just feels like you can do no right??

Welcome to some of my more recent inner dialogue, Enjoy!:

Like right now Jen, you should be revising - but no, you can't, because you're thinking about so many other things that revising would just be stupid, it would be make your head explode and nothing would go in anyway- but no, you should, you have one more exam left and if you don't get an A you'll never forgive yourself for not doing yourself justice - but no, you can't be bothered, you're tired and lazy by nature, why not just accept you're going to do badly and face the cold hard facts, you're teacher said the last exam didn't seem so bad and you thought it was a nightmare, stop kidding yourself, you're not as good as you think so why even bother trying  - why bother trying?! because you need to get the grades! they're for your future!! How are you supposed to get anywhere you want to go if you don't have the stupid grades to get a decent job, this is your entire future you're talking about here - yes, you're entire future, and all you want to do is grow up, get married, have children and live in some little fairy world.. Jen, you don't exactly need grades for that - you can survive on your own you know?! You have done before, you don't need anyone, you can do whatever you want to do with your own bloody life - oh CAN you? Let's be honest dear, we BOTH know that's not true... You're hopeless...

I hope you followed that! Basically, I just want to put out there that no, I am NOT schizophrenic - I've just been having a lot of conflicting thoughts recently and it's clogging up my head a little... Infact if I'm honest theres a lot of conflict everywhere I go, in everything I do, in every word I say and in every word I hear - and I'm getting pretty damn tired of being torn appart all over the place...

I'm sorry this particular post isn't particularly conclusive... but with so many arguements in my head I'm affraid I'm fresh out of solutions.

Conversations,

I've been thinking a lot recently about various "conversations" I had with several people not so long ago. The reason being? Well, I had one of my major freak out sessions one or two days ago, and it suprised me, as it always does - what a truly awful person I can be.

See, sometimes it's not all that bad. But sometimes it really, really is. I've been known to write all kinds of angry rant letters to pretty much everyone - teachers, friends, boyfriends, family members - once even to myself ha!

But the difference is with writing to myself - no one gets hurt. As for the people I do hurt? They usually don't tell me. Not for days, weeks, months - even years to come, all the while they were thinking "Wow, she really hurt me" and wouldn't say a word, and I would have no idea I'd cut them so deeply, because I would always know I was just angry or frustrated, and just needed to get everything out of my system. I always knew that no matter how much I said, no matter how extreme it was - it never really meant that much to me.

Ain't that always the question, eh?!

So WHY SAY IT?

Ain't that the ultimate question huh?! It's what I'm asking myself write now - why on earth say these things that don't even matter, if it's a risk of hurting the other person?And I questionned myself and I scrutinised myself and the conclusion

was even more pathetic.

Because then "THEY KNOW". They know what I'm thinking, no matter how awful it might be to them - I don't lie. But though I may never act on what I'm thinking or say it to their face, at least they know that I'm angry. Because for some screwed up reason, teh thought that I might be angry at someone and they not know about it is impossible to me!! And how awful is that!!!! To yell at someone just because your pissed off - potentially get angry at them for something they haven't even done - usually I get MOST angry when I'm yelling at people about things that I'VE done! Pathetic.

So I need to put this right. I came to the shock of my life when at my little brothers birthday party my family and friends were casually discussing how horrible I was to all of them, what mean things I say and do, how I see to almost enjoy putting them down. I had no idea I'd made that impression, I assumed they'dve known I didn't really mean any of it. Apparantly not.

I always try to do my best, do what's right. The problem with my best, is it's often not good enough. I've often tried to give advice, cheer people up, help them "see the light" but it's amazing that I believe I have any right to give that advice when I can't take it - just as much as it's amazing that I dish out all this shit but when someone has a go at me - I can't take it.

I've refferenced this quote before, and I will again I'm sure:

"Sticks and stones may break our bones,
But words can break hearts."

Reminiscing,

In a time in my life where so much is moving so fast, I took a moment to sit still and reminisce. In the still, quiet moment, I remembered a song which brought back so many other memories.. Hope you like! xx

What is perfection? Black Swan

Something that has been referred to as a "Psychological Thriller" - something my sister urged me to watch and my Mum told me though it would be shocking at the time, it's something that's thought provoking and I would appreciate it later... and it's true, I did.

It's actually everything I like to look for, especially that part of my that's intrested in pscyhology, it has almost everything - whip out your textbooks ladies and gentlemen - you'll find repression, regression, self fulfilling prophecy, hallucinations, possibly schizophrenia... the list is endless - it's increddible to watch, you have to really concentrate to understand exactly what's going on.

The central story is essentially the story of Swan Lake. A young beautiful virgin girl is trapped in the body of the White Swan, and only true love can set her free. As her prince is about to fall for her, her evil twin the Black Swan seduces her lover and takes him for her own - the White Swan, heart broken, kills herself - and in death she is finally free.

Of course, our dear "Nina Sayers" (Natalie Portman) embodies not only the White Swan but in the ballet she has to learn to play both, and in trying to embrace the seductive qualities of the Black Swan, it all but consumes her in her efforts to be "perfect".  - What is perfection?

It's a sad story, much like the original ballet - of course with the real twist of her litterally becoming a swan (in her mind at least) - growing feathers and red eyes etc etc... It's amazing to watch, someone making such a psychological, physiological and emotional development into an entirely different person - but I was left thinking at the end - was she worse off?

In the clip I show at the beginning of this post, you hear her mother asking "What happened to my sweet girl?" to which she replies "She's gone." ... But was she ever really so sweet?

There's light and dark in everyone. And by repressing any darkness at all, it's almost just as disturbing and embracing the darkness and letting it consume you. She's a twenty-something-year-old girl living with her mother in a pink bedroom with cuddly toys, and her mum cuts her nails... you just KNOW that's not right! Yet when she becomes the black swan... well she's clearly derranged then too.

I think it's important to accept that it's impossible to be completly perfect, and if it's at the expense of destroying your sanity, even your whole life - then it simply isn't worth it. We all have a white swan and a black swan within us. What matters is, when we look in the mirror, which side do we chose to be? 

Frustration

Main Entry:	frustration
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	disappointment, thwarting
Synonyms:	annoyance, bitter pill, blocking, blow, bummer, chagrin, circumvention, contravention, curbing, defeat, disgruntlement, dissatisfaction, downer, drag*, failure, fizzle, foiling, grievance, hindrance, impediment, irritation, letdown, nonfulfillment, nonsuccess, obstruction, old one-two, resentment, setback, unfulfillment, vexation

Reflection

I haven't written in a while. Infact I've been sort of quiet lately - and contrary to popular belief it's not because I'm some sort of social recluse or in "orbit" round the family unit (I guess what she meant by that was "lost and alone") but I guess I've just been in a period of reflection.

"Who is that girl I see,

Staring straight back at me,

Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Somehow I cannot hide,

Who I am - though I've tried

When will my reflection show,

Who I am inside?"

Reflection - Mulan

Reflection is one of those things that fascinates me.

As with any of my little fascinations I have of course done an art project on it, but it's AWFUL so I won't post it ha! But someones reflection isn't always about what is shown in the mirror, but also what people see in themselves. (And for me, that's usually someone very pathetic and little - see the poem "1." ).

I've pretty much officially left LWC - I have to go back soon for exams but then that part of my life is over, and I'll have to say goodbye to many of my friends - one of which I've now already had to say my rather emotional goodbyes to - and I'm not ready for anymore yet.

ANYWAY the reason I bring up the leaving and the goodbyes is that we had to do something called a ""Leavers Book" - During this process I've read all sorts of lovely things about myself - thing's I'd never seen before, or things I'd always thought of as negative and they think it's admirable.

For example: I'm stubbourn. It doesn't matter if people don't understand why, if something matters to me for whatever reason I will not move an inch on the subject until I get my way, no matter how stupid I look in the process. I've always considerred that a bad quality to have in a person, cause it means I'm quite often dissapointed! But others call it a "Determination" to get "what's right".

So the long and short of it is, for Uni at least, I want to try and look at myself differently - stronger, more ready for anything life has to throw at me. I know I can do that - and on reflection, I'm not a weak as I used to be.

Balance

 

Well, I haven't written for a whole 3 days and God only knows I can never stay quiet for that long, so I thought I'd write about a post I've just read, from a friend. It's just reminded me all too much of the happiness I feel now... well, it'll come to an end soon enough. It's the way the world works I'm affraid, whatever you want to call it - kharma, "the secret"... I call it balance.

 Though it might sound silly, I believe that there's a certain amount of balance in life, of highs and lows, good and evil and light and dark - you can't have one without the other. Now try as we may, no matter how good we are or how hard we try, there will always be times when we look at ourselves and think "Why me?"



We often find ourselves in a position where we think what on earth am I going to do next. The beautiful thing about that is, we don't know, and we won't know until that chance comes along - but the important thing is that when the chance DOES come along - we have to take it. We can't wallow, as much as it feels like it's all we have, we have to accept that there's more and it'll get even better.

I remember a time I used to force myself to remember insignificant details just because I didn't want to lose what were some of the happiest moments of my life in a time that seemed hopeless. Now I have whole new album of bigger, brighter and more colourful pretty little memories in my book of happy times - and they haven't erased the others, of course not, but what's important is that I moved on, I developed, and I grew as a person. And what's more from these new "happy experiences"... I like to think I helped him "grow as a person" too. Maybe just a little bit ;)

But I try not to be too upset that we have to move on this time. I feel this time as we move on, we move on as equals, and though perhaps we won't see eachother for years to come, I know we'll stay in touch. I'll never lose what I've had and I'll never regret it - And just think... If the times I've had seem so perfect and wonderful for me now... think of what incomparable times I must have yet to come!

So, to "The girl who sees beauty in negative things"... just remember, no matter how dark things may seem, there's always a light to balance it out - just try not to miss the guy holding the candle :P

Bits and Pieces

I've finally thought of something I can use this blog for, besides my pointless ramblings that I know you love so much... sort of ;)

Well, once upon a time I was known by everyone (at least at school) for being "the happy one"- "the one that laughs a lot", "the one who doesn't get upset by anything"... well of course that's not true, and I doubt that's  true of anyone on this earth! And back then I didn't have a particularly "cool" image, but I had THAT image, so it's an image I felt I had to stick to. Without that I was just ... well, just Jenni!

So I used to write a lot of poetry - particularly short little poems. I don't know where a lot of it's gone but I saved some of it on my computer, some of it's really old and a bit all over the place, some of it was for school, some of it was just because I was bored I guess... But hope you enjoy it! xxx

(Be warned, some of them are a little heavy and weird, particularly in too deep and twinkling star... probably the sappiest things I've written in my life haha!)

In too deep

Water clear as strong and true,

Fall too deep, submerge in you.

Break the surface, fall again,

Whilst love torments, sensibility ends.

Gasp my last breath, heart stops beating-

As life as I know is ending; completing.

Broken again. A tear from my eye,

My heart beats again, and thus I die.

Tiny Twinkling Star (The last kiss) ... should really be two seperate ones but still!

 

Will my lips part and tremble, crush against his, soft and caring?

Will passion over come and cool heat rush through as I hold him?

Will the moment pass me by unnoticed; plain and lost in time?

Will immortal words hold feelings my fragile mind will soon put behind?

                  

Does he dream of nights when suns are rising, when light diminishes little twinkling stars?

As they fade slowly into nothing, a new day begins, hence ends the night.

Must the night always end? Must the daylight glare upon its peaceful sleeping face?

For what is more precious? A thousand suns, or a tiny twinkling star?

Ta Fleur

I am no inspiration,

no flower in a field-

Simply one of many gentle blades,

Silently concealed

Amongst the hushing of the grasses

and the whispers of the wheat,

Swaying wistfully as tender winds

Blow coolly in the heat.

  

1.

-this was part of a 4 piece poem which represented myself and my brother and sisters, i've lost the other three, but incase anyone was wondering, this one is me :)

She is a sweetly singing melody.

A romance novel,

telling tales of impossible,

Inevitable and irrevocable love.

She is the spring time,

Of new beginnings, fresh starts.

A dressing table hidden by make-up

Never worn.

A set of drawers, glitter,

Buttons and a miniature porcelain rabbit.

A thick woollen jumper

To hide from cold, or else the eyes

And whispers of others.

A paintbrush, stained with

Powder blue.

She is an aging, snow white mirror,

Reflecting a small child.

Drops of Jupiter,

One of the "non-musical" songs in my head ;)

 

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol' Jane told a story about a man
Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
{ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/train-lyrics/drops-of-jupiter-lyrics.html }
And head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself?

And did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
Fall for a shooting star?
And now you're lonely looking for yourself out there...

Sticks and stones,

Earlier today, I was reading something in the paper that got me thinking - It was a quote from Helena Bonham Carter (you know the one, Bellatrix Lestrange, Alice in Wonderland, Sweeny Todd etc) - and she said she liked playing evil/weird characters because she found it interesting to think of reasons why they might've ended up that way.

And it's true isn't it, we are fascinated by "evil" people - and how they came to be "evil". In Psychology (yes, let us whip out our textbooks!) - there are two possible explanations for behaviour : Nature or Nurture.

Simple enough, isn't it? Well no, not entirely. Incase you hadn't already guessed, Nature refers to the qualities of which we are born with - eg: "I get angry easily because I got that from my Dad". Nurture, means that we learn behaviour through the environment in which we live - eg: "I'm angry because my Dad always yelled at me as a child and now I find everything agrivating"..... it's a stupid example but you get what I mean.

Not really nature nurture but it made me laugh :')

I just read the original Phantom of the Opera book, and thank God they've changed it for the purposes of the musical because if they hadn't it would've been a far more gruesome plot!

But just imagine - being born so devastatingly ugly, (with "death's head" - holes for eyes, nose and mouth and with yellow eyes) that your father could not look at you, and your mother put a bag on your head. Imagine then being taken off to a circus to be ridiculed, and then breaking free, to be used as a master of torture for all your screwed up inventions and magic tricks.... is it any wonder a boy who had been "nurtured" in this way would later have no sense of what's good, or evil, or no sense of humanity?

But then arguably, was it his "nature" which caused all this - as from the very day he was born, he was given this hideous face which caused all others to shun him, and as he never received love, he couldn't understand how to give it. So infact, despite the murders and the tortures, we actually PITY this man. And is this right? Well, that's for you to decide.

But I ask that you remember this - Screw the nature/nurture debate, as we all know both play their parts - but what we know for certain is that our words and our actions have an unimaginable impact on others.

"Sticks and stones may break your bones,

But words can break our hearts"

- Tim Minchin