Conflict,

Do you know those days where it just feels like you can do no right??

Welcome to some of my more recent inner dialogue, Enjoy!:

Like right now Jen, you should be revising - but no, you can't, because you're thinking about so many other things that revising would just be stupid, it would be make your head explode and nothing would go in anyway- but no, you should, you have one more exam left and if you don't get an A you'll never forgive yourself for not doing yourself justice - but no, you can't be bothered, you're tired and lazy by nature, why not just accept you're going to do badly and face the cold hard facts, you're teacher said the last exam didn't seem so bad and you thought it was a nightmare, stop kidding yourself, you're not as good as you think so why even bother trying  - why bother trying?! because you need to get the grades! they're for your future!! How are you supposed to get anywhere you want to go if you don't have the stupid grades to get a decent job, this is your entire future you're talking about here - yes, you're entire future, and all you want to do is grow up, get married, have children and live in some little fairy world.. Jen, you don't exactly need grades for that - you can survive on your own you know?! You have done before, you don't need anyone, you can do whatever you want to do with your own bloody life - oh CAN you? Let's be honest dear, we BOTH know that's not true... You're hopeless...

I hope you followed that! Basically, I just want to put out there that no, I am NOT schizophrenic - I've just been having a lot of conflicting thoughts recently and it's clogging up my head a little... Infact if I'm honest theres a lot of conflict everywhere I go, in everything I do, in every word I say and in every word I hear - and I'm getting pretty damn tired of being torn appart all over the place...

I'm sorry this particular post isn't particularly conclusive... but with so many arguements in my head I'm affraid I'm fresh out of solutions.