25 things,

In my efforts of procrastination I discovered some very old "notes" on facebook I wrote over the last 2/3 years - and I find it amazing how much I've changed in such a short period of time!! That in mind, I came accross one note called "25 things" - and I thought I'd give it a go!

So here it goes: 25 things you don't know about me

1. My main fear is "the unknown" - that covers so many things I can't even tell you, including any simple thing I've never done before - eg; driving to someone's house I've never been too. If it's something relativly small I can usually just pull myself together and battle it through but sometimes if I don't control myself quickly enough I have been known to hyperventilate and really make myself quite ill with worry :S Not good!

2. Having said the above ^^ I would love to jump out of a plane someday - provided I jump with someone else!! My biggest fear is death (the greatest unknown) and therefore I'd like to know that someone was going to prevent that from happening!

3. I've been involved in various groups in my time : I was a member of the "Fab 4" when I was at Barfield (aged 8-11 ish) and when I met my dearest Goth friends in 5th form we made an imginary group called "Fates Goldfish" - don't worry, we didn't write anything!! It was just a private joke..

4. I'VE been known to write things though.. poems, songs, stories - you name it, I've written it. Sometimes it's just a creative outbirst, sometimes there's just things I want to say and no way to say it, I guess it's just the way I am - I've been trying to write a song for months now to clear my head but I can't seem to word it right... If I ever do actually write the stupid song I'll post the lyrics and maybe the music with it on here!

5. I love biscuits like no one else you've ever met in your life. Infact, when the art department stopped getting biscuits every five minutes I actually lost a dramatic amount of weight and people kept commenting.. I just can't help it! Biscuits and hot chocolate are just simply UNBEATABLE.

6. My diet is horrendous. This isn't a secret, but one secret is I don't think I've eaten a fruit for several years now, and forget about vegetables! I live on a diet of  breakfast (croissants, brioche, toast, cereal, french toash), sandwiches (only cheese), crisps, BBQ (hotdogs, burgers) and fish and chip shop chips - I litterally don't think I eat anything else... wow.

7. Having said the above my health has never really suffered from this diet, although I think I have a really fast heart rate (though it's hard to measure as every time I try I get nervous and therefore it beats faster.. go figure) - my health DOES suffer when something emotional goes on my life - ie. stress. For the past sort of 6 months I've had various problems with my ovaries etc etcc.... which is sorted out now as I'm trying my best to calm myself down and think about what I say, and how I say it - and trying not to take everything to heart. Family, friends, relationships, work, future etc etcc.... they all contribute to me freaking out and as a consequence I've done some pretty stupid things indeed - things I couldn't talk about to anyone.

8. I have a hundred different faces. I'd like to think there are good sides to me - I can be miserable, pathetic, useless, lazy, loving, giving, bubbly, funny, caring, outrageously with innuendoes, conservative, creative, numb, scared, inconsoleable, deep, shallow, easily pleased, childish, selfish... Gosh there are so many. It all depends when you meet me and who you are.

9. My music taste is awful, and I don't have a favourite song - My sister is trying to make me cooler by listenning to her chart music but basically I listen to songs from musicals or film music - I do have the occasional "normal" song on my ipod but the majority is disney songs and show music - particularly phantom of the opera and love never dies - which I have now seen 5 times and I intend to see at least twice more before it's cut in August :( .

10. I adore Twilight, though I can't bring myself to read it anymore as everytime I do I get too caught up in it and end up litterally mourning it for a couple of days afterwards - ridiculous huh. That books shouldn't been written in first person, it's unfair to let someone like me fall in love with a fictional character :') ! Instead I love to read Harry Potter which just NEVER gets old, and I've recently been reading through my old english books - I read Short Cuts the other day - weird book, I don't recommend it!

11. There are also several other film stars I adore mainly for the roles they play  -Gerard Butler (picture above!!) being WAAYYYYY up there as NOT ONLY did he play Phantom in the film version, but he also played Gerry in Ps I love you which is a beautiful film. I also love the guy in the Notebook and I ADORE Ewan McGreggor in Moulin Rouge - he makes me smile a lot :')

12. This list is just one of many many many examples of how I talk far too much, my head just doesn't think in short precise sentences it just spews out endless ramblings - I can't help it!! If you ever get me angry, I'll probably write you an email (I can't argue in person, I get a stutter and my voice goes freakishly high), and it might go on  for PAGES. I've actually been known to write a 12 page text before. Seriously.

13. I can't get angry at people face to face unless I am beyond furious. I'm gettin less great at holding back the tears nowadays though, I used to be unable to cry infront of people too - I guess I'm just weaker or perhaps I have more things to be sad about - either way, I've changed over the last two years but over all I think it's for the better - even if I am mushier and more reflective.

14. My favourite numbers are any combination of the numbers 1, 2 and 3. (21, 22, 13, 12, 123 etc...) And I'm afraid of COURSE, knowing me the reason for them being my favourite numbers is for soppy romantic reasons I probably shouldn't discuss on here! If  you're desperate to know I guess you can ask me in your spare time lol!

15. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't judge others on their appearance but I cannot bare the "orange" look - you know the one, fake lashes, pale pink lipstick, florescent orange

skin, yellow hair - why if someone WORE those colours together does it clash, but if it's on your face it's apparantly acceptable?! I just don't get it. I prefer natural beauty.  (watch that video!!! hilarious!!!)

16. I was an extremely prejudiced person who cared an awful lot about what people thought of me until I was 16/17 (and yes, I'm only 18 now... so it's a pretty recent phenomenon!!) when I met a beautiful friend of mine who taught me it's what's on the inside that counts - something I treat as a law to live by nowadays, when you ignore  peoples outward appearances at first you get to meet a whole lot of beautiful people.

17. My favourite feature in a guy is their eyes, hands down - no question. I've heard all sorts of weird things about what other girls like in a guys appearance and to be honest I raise my eyebrows at their romantic choices as much as they raise their eyebrows at mine! The thing is though, eyes are most important as their the windows to the soul. You can tell so much about a person through their eyes.

18. Outright rudeness upsets me to the point that sometimes I feel literally ILL. I can't handle people shouting out things about other people when they're RIGHT THERE, I just can't. As a paranoid person myself I couldn't bare to think of anyone talking in a negative way about me really loudly in a public place. I'd rather they just quietly came to me, one on one, and we shared our expressed differences.

19. My favourite colour in the whole wide world is sky blue - the kind of blue you get on a perfect sunny day, and look straight up - it's SO DEEP, you can't paint a colour like that, it's just too perfect.

20. When I'm sad I reminice to remind myself I wasn't always this way. It's proabably a slightly counter productive way of looking at things but hey - at least I get a few laughs in at myself on the way.

21. I'm willing to bet the top 5 days in my life were all romantickyy ones - how sad is that?!?! I'm a romantic at heart so I guess it just has a massive effect on me, and I also guess that's why I don't do so well with break ups, though I'm certianly getting much better at it! Of course I have increddible days with my friends though, and in the end they're the one who get me through it all :) love you all dearly :D

22. I cry like no one else you've ever met, usually over absolutly nothing at all, or the smallest things you can possibly imagine. I am a total wetbag.

23. I work as a maid at the hotel, a job I hate and I'm hoping I can quit as soon as possible, infact I'm hoping they just don't ring me back!! I've been working thre for 2 years as a housekeeper and you have to deal with every bodily fluid you can possibly imagine - and I MEAN every bodily fluid. Seriously. I've seen it all.

24. When I'm too upset to reminice, another thing I do is play the Sims 2 - how weird is that right?! I guess the reason I do it is because at least then I know how to suceed in the game, I know how to do well, I know how to get everything you want, you can make money just appear with a cheat, you can make the perfect perosn for someone and just make sure they magically end up meeting and give them as many kids as you want and you basically control all variables  - you can't do that in real life, and sometimes I wish I could. I always feel so out of control and confused the whole freakin time!!

25. The last one, finally! The reason I want to teach art. A lot of people laugh when they find out the plans for my future but it all seems pretty simple to me. a.) I've had awful teachers over my artistic career and I really believe it's a subject that everyone can get  into, everyone can express themselves and find out things about themselves that they never even knew, b.) I love kids, I've been surrounded my my little siblings my whole life, and to be honest they're a whole lot less complicated than adults seem to be - they're just easier to talk to. I know people see my chosen proffession as a "pisstake".. but just because it's not achademic doesn't mean the fact that I'm good at it is worthless.

If you guys are regular readers of my blog you'll be well aware of many of these things so I hope you weren't too bored, but I certainly was, hence this list!! And now you know me just that little bit better ;) xxx