I'm right in the middle of an extremely childish arguement, on an extremely adult subject.
Now before anyone has a heart attack, I am not pregnant, nor have I ever been and I certaintly haven't had an abortion! But sometime ago now there was a period where I thought I might have to think about it, and being the kind of person who is melodramatic at BEST, I, as always, blew things way out of proportion.
See, the other day I went to a "Prideaux" (lecture at school) all on abortion, and nothing they told us there suprised me in any way, as I'd already done the research when I was in one of my many many hissy fits. You see once upon a time I did have a long term boyfriend who I did lose my virginity to, and we did have unprotected sex. Stupid right? Totally. Of course we're not THAT thick, we made sure there was still no biological possibility that I would have been able to be pregnant, but when my period came late, I began thinking ... (DANGER!!! hahaa)
Now it's important to remember this was a loooong time ago but I remember it clear as anything - because I cried A LOT. I didn't really know what to do with myself - and most annoyingly I actually stopped eating because when I did eat and my stomach grew I'd be scared it was the baby already... (apparantly I can defeat science and grow a bump within days... my panic attacks are anything buy logical!!!) I've always been completly against abortion in any circumstance as I've always believed it was killing... on the other hand, faced with my hypothetical baby, I suddenly thought "Oh My God, there's no way I can do this." - as much as I love children and am desperate to have them at some point, as for now - no way!!
(Though I hope one day I have a baby that looks like this :P SO CUTE!!!!)
So why the arguement? When I was having one of my oh so many panic attacks, my exboyfriend said the words "It's just a balls of cells".... For anyone who's ever Googled "abortions" images, you will know, it really doesn't look like a ball of cells for very long and I was SERIOUSLY unimpressed with his attitude to the whole thing (then again he knew it wasn't possible, as did I, but I'm a lunatic ;) ). But what really got me? He stopped talking to me. He felt so guilty that he'd put me into that position (even though it was totally impossible) and so guilty because I was crying and thumping my stomach (GOD know's why I thought that'd help anything, was just desperate I suppose) etc etc... well, he decided if he couldn't see me happy.. well he couldn't see me at all.
On one hand it's quite sweet he couldn't handle seeing me upset. On the OTHER hand - he abandoned me! I had to deal with the whole thing completly ALONE. For 5 days I was dreaming of either giving birth and not being able to handle it, or else dreaming of my baby being ripped out of my body and dismemebered right in front of my eyes - everything was all my fault. I just didn't know what to do.
So what happened? Nothing obviously haha! Period started, life moved on and the whole topic was brushed under the carpet - though obviously we never had sex again, I was far too petrified of going through that same experience, that same panic!
UNTIL NOW.
He wanted to know how I was, and I said after that Prideaux everything came flooding back, all the pain and the worries, all the many different plans I had to come up with, all the panic.... and HE said.... (duh-duh-duhhhhh)
"Nice."
Nice.... Nice?... Nice?!?!?! Dear me, that BOY! So, I'm childishly not speaking to him, giving him the evils round the playground etc etc ( :P ), until he can care enough to come and speak to me nicely. (God do I hate that word now!)
----But you know what? I doubt he will. He left me alone when I needed him most. He's the best friend a person could ever have - he's super intelligent, funny, caring, and I swear to God I love him to bits really - but Lord he is hopeless in a crisis!
(unimpressed rant, complete)
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